So I signed up and I think I worked out for maybe two weeks. After that my joints decided that they are not happy. Honestly, I'm not surprised being that we're carrying 400 lb again. I am so utterly frustrated that I often find myself crying because I just don't know what to do. I am contemplating going back to the gastroenterologist and talking about having yet another bariatric surgery. The first one didn't stick, so I'm not sure why I feel like another will help... I am so utterly unhappy at the size that I'm at right now. I am depressed and I don't do anything much outside of my house anymore because I cannot stand how big I am and I don't want anyone to see me. I don't talk to people about this because it's not a comfortable thing to talk about. I don't feel like I'm living. I am merely existing and this is not acceptable. Something has to give and I'm not sure what it is but I'll figure it out. I am alone right now for a reason and I believe it's to get myself fixed. Inasmuch as it would be nice to have someone here to push and motivate me, I think I need to get to a place where I push and motivate myself.
Jesus, take the wheel.
