The Cursed Day

I'm not really one who believes in curses, per se. Are usually think that life is basically what you make of it but this is a whole different ball game...

APRIL 3

2015

After months and months and months of doctors appointments and psychiatric evaluations and prayer and hopefulness, the love of my life was sentenced to six years in prison for a crime of the Mind... There was no actual physical crime committed and he has to serve time in a Virginia state prison... I still cannot wrap my head around this.

2017

My cousin is diagnosed with breast cancer. She's not that much older than me and I just cannot believe it...

I guess it's not that the day has bad stuff every year, but that the bad stuff that happens is HUGE and really fucking scary. I think maybe I'll just sleep thru it next year.
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So, my get-up-and-go got up and went... I have no idea when or why but I literally have zero energy to do anything when I am not working. My house is a fucking pigsty and my car is almost as bad. I keep saying I'm going to join the gym again but I haven't made any effort to do that. Something has got to give but I'm not sure what. I don't feel depressed so I'm not sure that I can even blame it on depression... But then again maybe I've been depressed so long that it is my new normal. I would assume that's possible.

Allergy season has come again and along with that comes the allergy medicine which makes me extremely groggy which really isn't going to help a damn thing... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

On top of all this, we are so short staffed at work it's ridiculous... when I go into work on day shift, I don't know what part of the hotel I will be working in. Whether it will be housekeeping or front desk because we don't have enough people in either of those departments. I'm working both 7 - 3 & 3 - 11 shifts which is throwing my sleep schedule completely out of whack and that is not helping ANYTHING. Hopefully, things will mellow out soon because if not I'm afraid I'm going to burn out and end up in the mental ward LOL.

As sad as this may sound, I don't really have anything that gives me joy anymore. I love my dogs to pieces and they are amazing but they are a staple of my life and not something I get super excited about anymore. I still sing with VOICE but there's no excitement with that either because we've done it all and it's just kind of the same thing over and over and over again. The only thing that gives me any sense of enjoyment is my work. I actually feel a sense of accomplishment there and feel like I'm appreciated. Sometimes I feel like management is blowing smoke up my ass just so I will keep doing what I'm doing but for the most part I think they actually do appreciate me.

So... When I read what I just wrote, I believe maybe I am depressed. Guess I need to break out some St. John's Wort and see if that helps or if I actually need to get a prescription these days...